I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
