pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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