I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
