why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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