You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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