Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
