i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
