i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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