Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
