His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
