once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
