I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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