remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't turn off my feet"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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