life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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