what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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