Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
