i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how do flat chested girls get laid?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
