I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
