hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
