i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
