Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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