Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
