And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
