God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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