There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
