traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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