I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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