I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
