i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
