are you still at the devil's house?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
