Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
