You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
