people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
