Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
