he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
