I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
