omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
