Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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