I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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