Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
