I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
