I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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