It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
