I hate your face
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
