They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
