No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
