I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
