My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
