we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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