her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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