Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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