I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
