Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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