Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
